The Backwards Law | Stop Trying to Get It And You’ll Have It

How can we get what we want without trying to get it? This seems like an impossible and absurd way to operate; especially in a world where we’re used to striving and putting effort into getting what we wish. Ironically, the more we try to be less dissatisfied, the more dissatisfied we become. So could it be that this inclination to be so invested in becoming free from dissatisfaction, trying to be happy, trying to be content, is exactly the reason we aren’t? Here we see the paradox of willpower, which is the basis of ‘the law of reversed effort’ also referred to as ‘the backwards law’ by philosopher Alan Watts. Or, simply put, Stop Trying to Get It And You’ll Have It

What Is The Backwards Law ?

The Backwards Law was popularized by Alan Watts ( Know more about him here https://alanwatts.org/ ) but it actually comes from Tao Te Ching, the 2000-year-old classic Chinese text which became is the basis of Taoism. Going exactly with Alan word’s , we get the essence of this law.

“The more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.” – Alan Watts

Essentially, it’s this: the more you try to grab ahold of something, the more it slips away. Watts describes it as being in a lake. If you relax and put your head back, you’ll float. But the more you struggle and flail around trying to stay afloat, the more you will sink. The Backwards Law plays a significant role in multiple facets of our lives. The more we seek something, the less likely it is we will find it. 

Examples From Our Daily Life

Fighting a negative experience means that you suffer twice. “When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink; but when you try to sink, you float,” Alan Watts stated. In the same way, when you try to fall asleep, your effort will keep you awake. Only when you stop trying, you’ll doze off. And when you hold your breath, you’ll lose it. But when you let it go, it continues on its own.

You are disturbed by something happening at work or the home front, and you are overwhelmed by negative thoughts. The more you try to push these negative thoughts, the stronger they become and take control of your mind. Remember the Backwards Law- the more you desire to rid yourself of the negative emotions, the more they will persist. The solution? Just let the thoughts and feelings run their course and dissipate, time being the natural healer. 

The more we cling to a loved one, the more they are going to feel suffocated and in need of space.

Again, the more you obsess about accumulating money, the more poor and unworthy you are going to feel. The more you try to feel wealthy and abundant, the more poor and unworthy you will feel regardless of how much wealth and money you accumulate. Remember the Backwards Law. Don’t get attached to the outcome of being wealthy. Just focus on doing the right things and giving your best.

The more we pursue trying to feel better all the time, the more we are going to reinforce this idea that we are fundamentally lacking and irreparable. When we can release the control over the experience a little bit and find ease and peace even in the moments that are challenging, we can find that lightness.

The Ten Backwards Laws

1. Control – We will feel more powerless the more we try to control our feelings and impulses. Our emotional lives are chaotic and often uncontrollable, and our desire to control them exacerbates the problem. On the other hand, the more we accept our emotions and impulses, the better we’ll be able to control and process them.
2. Freedom – In a number of ways, our constant desire for more freedom ironically limits us. Similarly, we can only truly exercise our freedom by limiting ourselves — by choosing and committing to certain things in life
3. Happiness – We become less happy when we try to be happy. Accepting dissatisfaction makes us happy.
4. Security – Trying to make ourselves feel as safe as possible only adds to our sense of insecurity. It is only by being at ease with uncertainty that we can feel safe.
5. Love – The more we try to make others love and accept us, the less they will, and, more importantly, the less love and acceptance we will have for ourselves.
6. Respect – The more we expect others to respect us, the less they will respect us. The more we respect others, the more we will be respected by them.
7. Trust – The more we try to persuade people to believe in us, the less likely they are to do so. The more we put our trust in others, the more they will put their trust in us.
8. Confidence – We will create more insecurity and anxiety the more we try to feel confident. We will feel more at ease in our skin the more we accept our flaws.
9. Change – The more desperately we desire to change ourselves, the more we will always feel inadequate. The more we accept ourselves, the more we will grow and evolve because we will be too preoccupied with doing cool stuff to notice.
10. Meaning – We will become more self-obsessed and shallow as we seek a deeper meaning or purpose for our lives. The more we try to make a difference in other people’s lives, the more profound our impact will be.

Then How to have what we want ?

Knowing about the workings of the backwards law does not imply that we should never set goals, have ambitions, or pursue change. There are probably an infinite number of reasons why we should make a change and not accept the status quo. However, the backwards law teaches us not to be deceived by the notion that pursuing happiness leads to happiness. It’s the exact opposite. And with that knowledge, we can enter that blissful state of ‘not wanting’ a little more frequently. Because, as Alan Watts put it, “life’s mystery is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”

Final Takeaway | The Backwards Law

Knowing the backwards law and its paradoxical nature leads to exploring causes of our ongoing dissatisfaction in life, and how we can liberate ourselves from it. The backwards law isn’t so much not about worldly achievements – if anything, it  )them. The mind perceives lack because it believes that the present moment is not enough; something is missing, but it doesn’t know what. And thus, we keep escaping what is, into situations that we perceive as more pleasurable. But when we get there, we eventually find ourselves in the same dissatisfied state that we tried to escape.

Thus also every keen pleasure is an error and an illusion, for no attained wish can give lasting satisfaction. – Arthur Schopenhauer, Works

Read also : Wabi Sabi | The Perfect Imperfection ( https://thebrightdelights.com/wabi-sabi-the-perfect-imperfection/

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