Toxic Positivity | Downsides of Positivity
“Positive vibes only.” It’s a saying most of us have heard or said at one point or another. And while it seems pretty harmless, taking it too literally can veer into Toxic Positivity territory. This article delight addresses the dark side of the Positivity and how it leads to the very suffering it aims to quash.
What is Toxic Positivity ?
Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes Toxic. By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions. The truth is, humans are flawed. Sometimes life can just flat out suck. By pretending that we are “positive vibes all day,” we deny the validity of a genuine human experience.
“Toxic positivity is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset or — my pet peeve term — ‘positive vibes,’” explains Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, a clinical psychologist in Pennsylvania who specializes in, among other things, anxiety disorders and self-esteem.
The Dark Sides of Positivity
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4175372/
In the study above, for example, research participants were divided into two groups and shown highly disturbing medical procedure films. One group was asked to watch the videos while letting their emotions show. The second group of subjects were asked to watch the films and act as if nothing were bothering them. The researchers monitored the participants’ subjective distress, heart rate, skin conductance level, and respiratory sinus arrhythmia before, during, and after the film.
And guess what? The participants who suppressed their emotions (acted as if nothing bothered them) had significantly more physiological arousal. The emotional suppressors may have appeared cool and calm but on the inside stress was erupting. Higher levels of negative affect, lower levels of positive affect, poorer social adjustment, and decreased wellbeing have been linked to repeated suppression of emotions, as these researchers have concluded. On the flip side, expressing a broad range of emotions, having words to describe how we feel, and non verbal expressions, help us regulate our stress response.
How Toxic Positivity is harmful | Downsides of Positivity
The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. The more you suppress your emotions, the more damaging it is for you.
It comes in 2 different forms
- Toxic positivity you can experience from someone or give to someone, and
- Toxic positivity you can inflict on yourself.
Both type can make you inauthentic, distance you from others, and lose touch with reality.
When people are coping with situations such as financial troubles, job loss, illness, or the loss of a loved one, being told that they need to look on the bright side can seem downright cruel. When someone is suffering, they need to know that their emotions are valid, and still they can find relief and love in their friends and family.
In the later case, when you inflict Toxic positivity on yourself you avoid feeling things that might be painful. So, it denies us the ability to face challenging feelings that can ultimately lead to growth and deeper insight. If you can’t be honest about your own feelings, how will you ever be able to hold space for someone else expressing real feelings in your presence?
How to avoid Toxic Positivity
It’s OK not to be OK right now
An abnormal emotional response to an abnormal situation is normal. We cannot simply pick the emotions we want to have. It just does not work that way. We need to let ourselves experience and express painful or uncomfortable feelings if we ever want to truly let them pass through us. Avoiding how you feel will only prolong the discomfort.
Accept That Change Won’t Happen Overnight
Though you’re working on embracing the idea that everything might not be OK, it’s totally normal to slip up every now and then. It’s a change in thinking that won’t happen overnight, but will be worth it in the long run. It takes time and doesn’t happen immediately, remember that.
Focus on Active listening
When someone expresses a difficult emotion, don’t shut them down with toxic platitudes. Instead, let them know that what they are feeling is normal and that you are there to listen. Listening attentively while someone else speaks, while withholding any judgment and advice are some gentler ways to start with.
Final Takeaways
If you recognize yourself as a transmitter of toxic positivity, it’s time to cut it out. Instead of stirring toxic positivity, aim for balance and the acceptance of both good and bad emotions rather than all-or-nothing thinking. It’s important to acknowledge the reality of our emotions by verbalizing them and moving them out of our bodies. This is what keeps us sane, healthy and relieves us of the tension caused by suppressing the truth. Once we honor our feelings, we embrace ALL of ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly.
For more insights : Read Toxic Positivity: How to Be Yourself ( https://amzn.to/3MSRteU )
Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy ( https://amzn.to/3waHzPL )
Read also : Stop Procrastinating by Using the ‘2-Minute Rule’ ( https://thebrightdelights.com/stop-procrastinating-by-using-the-2-minute-rule/ )